Dilemma~~~~ How can i be happy anymore? ...4 people out there too~

K so...you must be wondering what im I crapping bout..

Life seems happy now..but at the same time..why do my tears still fall? why do i still feel sad? Why do i still get hurt?Why???? WHY?????? what have i done so badly 2 deserve a life like this??

Im happy on the outer part,but inside IM BLEEDING...!!!

Im starting to be the someone i hate, a different person...Sm1 who's quiet..Sm1 sooo moody nowdays...I've never been like that...I've always kept everytg 2 myself...I guess now my heart is tryg 2 tell me that I myself cant take all this anymore...My heart hurts sooo badly...But why? I thought everything is settle..Were fine. IM fine...!!!bUT??..

Im sooo tired of taking care of other people's feelings and heart...But they never do the same way for me...Thats the saddest part..Thinking even your loved ones wouldn't hurt you..But its true..Your loved or beloved ones are the ones that hurt you the most...God..! WHy???..So much so..I rase nak duk sorang2 je..Biar je i xda kawan..org yg tersyg...Ade pun masalah..xde pun salah.. I missed the times people use to make me laugh..But now..So many say i;ve changed a lot..im soo quiet now..Im not myself..Maybe its because the pain and hurt im feeling in me..I can bear 2 stand it..But i have to.ITS LIFE RIGHT..?

I miss the times when my loved ones cared sooo much about me...Put me first in their lives..Worry bout me sooo much...Dlu masa first2 2...cakap..."your my life..your my lover...your worth everything..you mean everything to me...I cant live without you..You complete me..Your the only one that understands me..Your more important than my own life "

But did all that ever last long? Those words were just for the beginning..But now..I realized..It was all real at that moment only.Like it was only just a DREAM~~...The saddest part was..The people who said all those sentence and words are the same ones who are hurting me like mad.. Everytime I admit..But whats the point..Its not fair if im the only one that always has 2 admit, be truthful, come clean, always honest, never keep anything..when behind my back..There's lots of things going on that might juz scrape my heart again? I purposely have to tahan the pain and ask ...And sure enough...Only when i ask, the truth and everything comes out? ,,,Why?? Why is life so unfair? Only when i ask, thats when i knw who were you being with and spending ur tym with,...The best part is..When korang layan org len..Siapa yg diignore? ME!!!!! ME!!!!!


This is why...I have 2 venture out to..For 5 years now..I havent gone through 1 year..without being hurt, sad, almost dumped n more.. Yes i admit..I start making myself love sm1..Making them love me soo much..Because im afraid..When my loved ones leave me one day..I will be all alone..No one 2 share my sadness,pain,,hurt... And then when i have sm1 new..That really takes care of me..Treats me as if im a baby..Loves me sooooooooo much..Would do anything for me..The way tat person expresses the love to me..Even made something and wrote in it..all about me..wow~ I feel soo...touched..For sooo long ive never felt like that...Its always been others first..And myself last.. But, with tat person..Eventhough younger, still.. I really feel appreciated..Finally someone is taking care of me...Loving me..Without wanting anything in return...Even said and promised if i get dumped or hurt..Tat person will be there waiting for me...But i cant..I cant love tat person more...I have someone...But everything felt so nice...Im younger to mostly all of my loved ones..But still.Im the one who has to treat them like the smaller one.. Im sorry if this hurt you..or any1...But its just my feeling..Im to afraid 2 tell..I just wished...I could feel that way with my loved ones.. I wanna be loved so much to..I want to be taken care of without having to take care of any1 back in return. But everytime i get scolded..Mad at...Everythg i do is wrong..Xp smua u wat..i xmrh pun!..Please...PLEASE.....Heal my heart..it hurts soo badly...plz make me to become my happy self back..please..im begging all of you...

Rules :
Ok ya..in relationship..of coz there has 2 be rules right? If not both of us would go wild..Without disiplin there's no relationship..Yes i agree we have to trust each other..But how can we trust a person who we trust so much, after what they have done to us? Hurt us, make us cry so many times...Okay..We say we us to control each other..But it isnt fair when only 1 person controls the other gets to do whatever they like behind our back??..Promise...Im starting 2 hate that word..I've had enough with promises...I keep telling people...Dont make promises you cant keep.Dont treat promises as a simple or shortcut way 2 settle the prob..Look..Please take relationships seriously..  


When a person you love says they hate something, or dont like something...
DUN LA DO IT ANYMORE....


~ When the person you loves says please dun keep anything..
IT MEANS DONT KEEP A SINGLE THING..(ex : wat ur doing,who ur with,who ur chattin with,wats your prob,whats ur feelings etc,...)


When you know some1 wrote something or did something u know and ur sure your lover will be so mad when seeing it..
THEN HURRY UP AND DELETE IT LA..BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO TELL YOUR LOVER..


When you already promise your lover you wont do it again...
DONT U DARE EVER REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE..NO POINT SAYING SORRY AFTER YOUR LOVER HAS WARNED YOU...


Whats the point of scolding ur lover for being or chattin or talkg 2 some1 else ...
WHILE YOUR JUST DOING THE EXACT SAME THING???


When your already in love with some1...
DUN EVER LOOK AT ANY1 ELSE..


When you say ur worried...
NO POINT JUST SAYING,..SHOW IT...SHOW THAT YOU REALLY MEAN IT...CALL, CHAT, POST 


Never give any1 ur contact details or anything about you
WITHOUT TELLING YOUR LOVER..!!


If your lover is a gurl..Gurls want attention...Gurls are sensitive..Gurls cry so easily...Gurls get emotional so easily.. Gurls get mad easily..
SO IF YOU KNOW ALL THAT WHY STILL LET IT HAPPEN???


It has been proven,.A gurl will never trust their partner if ever their partner has cheated on them, lied to them, and so on..

Love your loved ones as much as you can..You will never know...It might just be the last...And then.It'll be to late to regret...Cherish every moment you both spend together..Enough of drama's.. Live happily back again..

~All said and done remains here..The killerbaby had return.Purple Devil was here~